Words Matter!

healing moving onDo you think words matter? I do.

For example what do the words “If only” mean to you?

“If only…..” “If only I had…”, If only I was….”
Can you hear the whine behind the “If only…? The regret, the DIS-empowerment?

There is no doubt you will have those situations that are a screaming invitation for you to go to the “If only…” place. Life and being human happens. Maybe you said the “wrong” thing to a friend, your boss, made a purchase you are not thrilled with or felt pressured into doing something and did not speak up …etc.

Focusing on the words “If only” keeps you caught up in the low energy feeling and powerless. You can play that “if only”, “if only”, “if only” recording over and over in your mind for days, even losing sleep over it. Especially if it is an “If only” that effects you deeply. You may even think you are finally over it, then BAM! Something triggers you and you are right back in the “if only” energy heading down the proverbial rabbit hole.

For example:””If only – I had spoken up when all those people showed up to swim this afternoon I wouldn’t have missed my appointment with so and so. Yet, I feel that…
 If I set Boundaries, I’m being selfish (Myth #1)

So how do you not get caught up in the low energy of feeling powerless and stay empowered when you are feeling the “If only…”?

When those “If only…” moments arise and believe me, they will, there are 4 steps you can take to stay in your power:
    1.) State exactly what is; “I did not set a boundary, got distracted, missed my appointment ” Stating exactly what is removes blame, keeps you out of victim mentality and in your power of being responsible for yourself.

     2.) Acknowledge your feeling of what happened fully….disappointment in yourself, sorry, regretful. When you stand fully in the feeling, this allows the emotion to run its course to fulfillment. Like a wave that crashes ashore, it hits hard and then slides back. Often it is easy to accept the crashing wave (emotion) that hits, like the sand does, however, as humans in a desire to control, there is no release or letting go of it. You hold the emotion and dwell on it. Picture your feeling like a wave. Acknowledge it fully, really feel it, as it crashes over you, and then allow it to release, sliding back to the ocean if you will.
And how do just release it?
      3.) State what learned from the experience clearly and concisely: “I learned that when….” Stating what you learn from your experience raises awareness; no adjustment can take place without awareness. It is awareness that prepares you for step 4.

      4.) NEXT TIME: “Next time I am….(action)” When you authentically go to “Next time” it brings that raised awareness to your conscious mind. Implicating to your brain that you have learned from the situation and will be putting that learning to use another time. Awareness engages the brain and creates the adjustment that needs to take place for “next time” to be effective. “Next time” focuses you forward so you can leave the “If only’s” behind.

You say: “If only – I had spoken up when all those people showed up to swim this afternoon I wouldn’t have missed my appointment with so and so” Yet, I always feel that if I set Boundaries, I’m being selfish. (Myth #1)

It is the “if only” that keeps you powerless and sets you up for -boundarylessness

The 4 steps in action;

Say what is; “I did not set a boundary,  got distracted, missed my appointment”.
Acknowledge your feeling; “I am disappointed in myself.”
State what learned; “I learned that I have a hard time saying no, also when there are a lot of people around I get distracted and lose track of time”.
Next time – “Next time I am speaking up and stating clearly what I have going on. Also I am setting my phone alarm AND the kitchen timer, to keep me mindful for appointments.”

Added thought… “Maybe it is time to sign up for Marion’s next workshop.”

The Art of Mastering Healthy Boundaries

When is the next workshop anyway? I can check the website for details

raicoaching.com/theartofmasteringhealthyboundaries/

Or I can call Marion, I even know her number by heart! 908-362-0015

I know she loves when we call with questions. She’s great like that.

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