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Words Matter!

healing moving onDo you think words matter? I do.

For example what do the words “If only” mean to you?

“If only…..” “If only I had…”, If only I was….”
Can you hear the whine behind the “If only…? The regret, the DIS-empowerment?

There is no doubt you will have those situations that are a screaming invitation for you to go to the “If only…” place. Life and being human happens. Maybe you said the “wrong” thing to a friend, your boss, made a purchase you are not thrilled with or felt pressured into doing something and did not speak up …etc.

Focusing on the words “If only” keeps you caught up in the low energy feeling and powerless. You can play that “if only”, “if only”, “if only” recording over and over in your mind for days, even losing sleep over it. Especially if it is an “If only” that effects you deeply. You may even think you are finally over it, then BAM! Something triggers you and you are right back in the “if only” energy heading down the proverbial rabbit hole.

For example:””If only – I had spoken up when all those people showed up to swim this afternoon I wouldn’t have missed my appointment with so and so. Yet, I feel that…
 If I set Boundaries, I’m being selfish (Myth #1)

So how do you not get caught up in the low energy of feeling powerless and stay empowered when you are feeling the “If only…”?

When those “If only…” moments arise and believe me, they will, there are 4 steps you can take to stay in your power:
    1.) State exactly what is; “I did not set a boundary, got distracted, missed my appointment ” Stating exactly what is removes blame, keeps you out of victim mentality and in your power of being responsible for yourself.

     2.) Acknowledge your feeling of what happened fully….disappointment in yourself, sorry, regretful. When you stand fully in the feeling, this allows the emotion to run its course to fulfillment. Like a wave that crashes ashore, it hits hard and then slides back. Often it is easy to accept the crashing wave (emotion) that hits, like the sand does, however, as humans in a desire to control, there is no release or letting go of it. You hold the emotion and dwell on it. Picture your feeling like a wave. Acknowledge it fully, really feel it, as it crashes over you, and then allow it to release, sliding back to the ocean if you will.
And how do just release it?
      3.) State what learned from the experience clearly and concisely: “I learned that when….” Stating what you learn from your experience raises awareness; no adjustment can take place without awareness. It is awareness that prepares you for step 4.

      4.) NEXT TIME: “Next time I am….(action)” When you authentically go to “Next time” it brings that raised awareness to your conscious mind. Implicating to your brain that you have learned from the situation and will be putting that learning to use another time. Awareness engages the brain and creates the adjustment that needs to take place for “next time” to be effective. “Next time” focuses you forward so you can leave the “If only’s” behind.

You say: “If only – I had spoken up when all those people showed up to swim this afternoon I wouldn’t have missed my appointment with so and so” Yet, I always feel that if I set Boundaries, I’m being selfish. (Myth #1)

It is the “if only” that keeps you powerless and sets you up for -boundarylessness

The 4 steps in action;

Say what is; “I did not set a boundary,  got distracted, missed my appointment”.
Acknowledge your feeling; “I am disappointed in myself.”
State what learned; “I learned that I have a hard time saying no, also when there are a lot of people around I get distracted and lose track of time”.
Next time – “Next time I am speaking up and stating clearly what I have going on. Also I am setting my phone alarm AND the kitchen timer, to keep me mindful for appointments.”

Added thought… “Maybe it is time to sign up for Marion’s next workshop.”

The Art of Mastering Healthy Boundaries

When is the next workshop anyway? I can check the website for details

raicoaching.com/theartofmasteringhealthyboundaries/

Or I can call Marion, I even know her number by heart! 908-362-0015

I know she loves when we call with questions. She’s great like that.

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What Are Boundaries?

What are Boundaries?

  •  Boundaries are personal invisible property lines that define who you are and who you are not.   
  • Boundaries protect you from being controlled, manipulated,  abused or exploited.
  • A boundary shows you where you end and someone else begins
  • Boundaries help you keep good in and bad out
  • Boundaries influence ALL areas of your life.

 

Why Learn the Laws of boundaries?

Healthy boundaries are the secret to healthier relationships.

Trying to master healthy boundaries without understanding the laws of boundaries can have you feeling like the Alien from another planet operating under different principles and laws who suddenly without warning or preparation is transported to Earth.

He is lost and unable to fly, because of this new phenomenon called gravity. He feels strange and out of place, an earthling diagnoses his problem telling him he needs food and recommends a place where he can eat.

The Alien goes into the restaurant, orders some of this Earth food and immediately feels better. But then, the man who gave him the food wants “seven dollars” for what he gave him.

The Alien has no idea what he’s talking about. After quite an argument, some men in uniforms come, take him away and put him in a small room with bars. What in the world is going on?.

He didn’t mean anyone harm, yet here he is in this thing called “jail,” whatever that is. He can no longer move about as he wants, and he resents it. What’s going on?  He was only trying to be about his own business, and now he has a sore leg, fatigue from his long walk, and a stomachache from eating too much. Nice place, this Earth.

If you have been raised in a dysfunctional family, or a family where God’s ways of boundaries were not practiced, you may have experiences similar to that of the alien. Where suddenly, without warning, you find yourself transported into adult life where the laws of boundaries, that have never been explained to you, govern your relationships and well-being. You are hurt, frustrated, angry, desperately wondering what happened. Why is this relationship(s) failing?

Because you never learned the laws and principles that could help you operate in accord with reality instead of against it, you become a prisoner of your own ignorance.

Boundaries are always in force, whether you are aware of them or not, and you may actually be familiar with them to a certain extent.

However by learning the laws of boundaries and exposing the myths surrounding them, you will better understand why certain aspects in your relationships are always problematic and why other aspects may work astonishingly well.

Isn’t it time for you to Explore, understand and apply the 10 laws of boundaries?

Using the ten laws of boundaries and busting through the myths around boundaries you can learn to begin to experience life differently. Are you ready to say “YES!” to a more balanced, joyFULL and peaceFULL life.

 How Can I say “YES!” to a more balanced, joyFULL and peaceFULL life?

Start here:  http://raicoaching.com/the-art-of-mastering-healthy-boundaries/

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Self Empowerment…Self-Love….Healthy Boundaries

Remember the 3 questions from the previous blog?     Boundaries Heart

  • How can I go deeper?
  • What did I do to get to this level of Self-love?
  • What is the next layer down supporting Self-love?”

Scanning the 18 sessions from the Self-Empowerment Women’s Group Coaching I was sure that any one of those sessions would make a great workshop, which one to pick…. I sat staring at all the options and a quiet knowing came over me when I chose session #14

As I prepared for the one day workshop with this topic from the Self-Empowerment Women’s Group Coaching Course I became acutely aware that I had chosen the right topic, although it wasn’t clear to me immediately why it was the right one. 

“How does this support my core message of Self-love to Self-empowerment?”  There is something bigger here…thus with  a new fervor, I studied and researched more deeply and sure enough that gentle awareness grew to this big “AHA!” – BOUNDARIES! This is the supporting layer to Self-love!!

It is not possible to love yourself without healthy boundaries!

In reflecting back on my own journey to self-love I could clearly see what a huge impact creating a shift in my boundaries had on my capacity for Self-love. Previously, my boundaries were not clear with myself, my relationships, in the workplace or society itself. My life was constantly filled with overcoming challenges, taking care of family, volunteering for others in more need than me and being taken advantage of. Believing I was only doing what I “should” do as a “good Christian”

  “My boundaries had to change for me to fully love and honor myself.”

Healthy boundaries are essential to self-love and the furthest thing from selfishness as you can get. (For all of you who still interpret Self-love as selfishness.)

Healthy boundaries are the invisible property lines that define where you stop and someone else begins.

Establishing healthy boundaries, promotes self-value, improves self-confidence, and develops a healthy self-concept and freedom to be you.

I have since come to really appreciate that having healthy boundaries is crucial for happy, healthy relationships with your spouse, families, in the workplace and society. 

“Boundaries are the major cornerstones of self-esteem.  Having good boundaries and knowing our limits is the basis for a strong self,” – John Bradshaw.

Having this clear understanding of Boundaries as personal property lines that define where I stop and where you begin has granted me a greater sense of self, freedom and mastery over my life And will do the same for you.

Well what started as a 1 day workshop has now grown into a full 8 week content packed, enlightening information, new awareness and lifelong tools workshop on boundaries.

It is my pleasure to invite you to join….

The Art of Mastering Healthy Boundaries

Beginning April 7, 2016.

Get all the juicy details here:

http://raicoaching.com/the-art-of-mastering-healthy-boundaries/

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Self-Empowerment… Self-Love…

If you have been following my journey as a Coach you are aware that I started with Self-empowerment as my focus. I gave public presentations, held groups for self-empowerment and did one-on-one coaching around it. You got results and were very pleased as I was too.

Since I stay connected to you I know that after about a year or 2 a few of you were starting to lose some of your connection to being Self-empowered.

HHHMMMM, something was missing. What was it? I needed to go deeper. As you all know I hate just treating symptoms, I dive for the core or source to get to solution, lasting solution!!!

Being a coach I ask questions. These are the 3 questions I asked myself in seeking to serve you better….

  1.  What can I do to improve this program for lasting results?
  2.  What did I do to get to this level of Self-empowerment?
  3.  What is the layer underneath that supports Self-empowerment?

That next stage on my journey of digging deeper brought me to this – Thunk!,I could’ve had a V-8 moment – “AHA! ” it’s Self-love that is what is missing!. How can you possibly sustain self-empowerment without self-love? Yes, of course, I had to learn to love myself first to become self –empowered and you do too. Now my focus was on helping you to love yourself. I added Self-love to becoming Self-empowered and that  became my focus up to last year.

What happened last year? That unrest, that rumble to do something new and a little different was stirring in me. What could I do that supported my core message of Self-love to Self-empowerment? ….”I’d like to do little 1 day workshops” they would be fun, full of content, high impact and low cost.

And….. back to the drawing board so to speak, I went. On my white board above my desk I have this quote…

” Go deeper than you’ve ever gone to rise higher than you ever dreamed”

Reading this quote led to me to ponder these questions…

  1.  How can I go deeper?
  2. What did I do to get to this level of Self-love?
  3. What is the next layer down supporting Self-love?”

This layer, being one layer deeper took  longer, unlike the “AHA, it’s Self-love!”, this was a gentle awareness. That awareness grew stronger as I worked on the first 1 day workshop, when it hit me, Of Course! How can you possibly love yourself without…..

Stay tuned….To be continued in next blog…..

 

 

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2016 Goals and Intentions

403460_301961096545178_1052908295_nHere we are almost to the end of February, so I wanted to check in with you and ask:

How are you doing with your intentions you’ve set for the New Year?

Are you still on track and passionate about achieving your goals this year?

If you happen to be one of the people who start off the New Year with big ambitions – yet give up less than a WEEK or month after you make them, I get it.

You took on a challenge for yourself and no matter how strong your desire is to achieve it –you may find yourself waning, distracted or losing focus. Why? What is the missing link? 

Put simply, It is hard to sustain motivation, attention and focus on your own.

You need help to change old habits and behaviors that have served you for so many years and now no longer do. You need support and someone  to hold you accountable, Someone to keep you focused by holding your goal alive and in front of you when challenges arise.

Yeah, that’s what coaches do!

I am most thankful for all my coaches and especially Nanette Saylor who works with me regularly to keep me focused, on track and holds my big goal alive and in front of me for this year. I asked her to call me out on my B.S. like I do for my clients and she willingly does. Do I like it? Not always. However, it is in the dis-comfort zone that growth can take place, if you allow it.

You can choose to resist and hold tight to your story suppressing the discomfort, trying to ignore it staying stuck or you can choose to let it go and take the next step forward.

Oh yeah, that’s another thing a good coach will do, call you out on your B.S.

You know those old stories and excuses you fall back on when you don’t want to do something or it is hard to do. Yes, you do that and so do I. It would be wonderful if I could tell you it never happens to me anymore,  nevertheless, stories and excuses still pop up occasionally, they’ve just changed a bit. I’ve learned how to navigate my way over, around and through the blocks they used to create. What is interesting, too, as I uplevel my life and business, I see new “old’ stories and excuses popping up that need to be called out. Thank you Coach! As I continue to learn new ways to navigate my way through those blocks I welcome the opportunity to share the next steps with you. 

As I have often told you, Coaching is a journey of discovery, challenge and new awareness, which opens new choices. Thus, raising you to new heights for new possibilities.

Coaching is the vehicle that gets you from where you are to where you want to be.

 

Where do you want to be? Who is challenging you to discover your B.S and let it go? Were you serious about that intention you set for 2016? Then let’s make it happen!!!

Send me an email or share in the comments below, and tell me where you want to be and then, if you really want to make it happen, tell me where you are and what you need support on to re-declare your intention.

Then watch for my next email with a special suggestion just for you.

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Self-discipline Needed For Creating Lasting Change

Have you met Violet? A lovely, yet confused woman who has reached a point in her life where she has lost her identity trying to please everyone and now wonders if anyone even knows her name is Violet. She is identified as Mrs. So and So, So and So’s wife, mom, sister, daughter. Hubby calls her Hon, children call her Mom or Mrs. So and So.

As Violet grew, from a child into an adult, she learned how to become the person that she thought others want to see or be with.  If you have done this, then you too like Violet may think that, that is who you are. I encourage you to check in with yourself, are you being your authentic self, or have you adopted someone else’s idea of who you are so you could be acceptedlovedapproved? 

When you do things that are not genuine or a reflection of the real you, you will not be happy with yourself and will end up confused. You’ll be confused because you won’t know whom to please, or how.

How much are you a victim of circumstance and how much are you a victim of yourself?

It takes courage to accept yourself as you really are, not as someone else thinks you shoud be. It requires you to be introspective, authentic, open-minded and objective. It does not give you permission or mean that you are inconsiderate or disrespectful of others. It means that you will not let others define you or make the decisions for you that you need to make for yourself. This is not something easy to do on your own. You need support.   In the “You – Empowering – You” women’s group coaching course you will get 9 months of support from a group of like minded peers, plus me as your coach.

How long will you be content to live someone else’s story or beliefs?  When you choose to step up and stand in your being as an empowered woman, daring to love your true self, you create change.

644101_385239428271842_1108632231_nThis is where self-Discipline is needed. Self discipline is one of the key differentiators separating those who live successful and fulfilling lives from those who don’t.

The reality is with change there can be chaos. The subconscious wants things the way they were. Your subconscious wants to take you back to that familiar, comfortable place you created to survive and so does everyone else around you.

Self-discipline is simply unmatched when it comes to the problems it can solve and becomes a powerful teammate when combined with other tools like Coaching, passion and goal-setting,

Thus it is the very reason I chose ‘Self-discipline’ as the first session in the “You – Empowering –You” Women’s group coaching course.

“You – Empowering –You” is an empowering 9 month Women’s  group coaching course of like minded peers. You will be guided through an empowering journey that awakens you to Self-awareness, Self-discovery, Self- discipline, Self -acceptance,  Self-care, Self-love and your power of choice. 

 New Courses starting September 14th and September 17th 2015!!!

Click over to the information page to learn more http://raicoaching.com/you-empowering-you/

 Not sure, want to chat or ask questions you can go to my calendar and reserve a time https://www.timetrade.com/book/GFVCK

Or you can pick up the phone and call me direct 908-362-0015

 Stay Empowered as you continue to Rise Above It, 

Warm Thanks, Marion

 

 

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How Dare You! (Part One)

The Coach stands in the back of the room with searching eyes as the guests arrive, looking expectantly for that one woman who haunts her. “What will she look like this time?” As the Coach plays out different possibilities in her mind  ”Blonde, brunette, overweight, high heels, sneakers….” she knows it really doesn’t matter that it is a different woman every time, the coach will know her the minute their eyes connect….It’s that look…

Being a coach and always curious about human nature and what makes us ”tick” the Coach observes with curiosity and wonder as the room fills with the lively chatter of the women arriving for the presentation.  From her point of observation the coach is taking note of the expressions and postures of the woman as they enter the room. Hearing the chatter and the occasional loud bursts of laughter build as woman after woman file into the room warms the Coach’s heart. They come in groups of 3, 4 or pairs,  for the most part though it is one woman by herself.  Such variety, married, single, shy, boisterous, rich, poor, black, white, Asian, all wounded in the battle of life and the path they chose. Yet for all their variety they have a common link. Somewhere they each disconnected from their power and lost themselves.

The pairs and the group will usually chat among themselves and maybe invite a few nearby to join in on the conversation. The ones on their own will look around for a smile or face they can connect with and move toward that person, each hoping the other will speak first.  The Coach’s mind drifts again to that one woman who haunts her. That woman who comes  in just as the presentation is starting and heads for a seat in the back trying to hide and yet screaming softly, please notice me, talk to me, smile at me, anything just acknowledge that I exist.  Women like her have been rare at these events.  Deep in her thoughts the Coach tells herself “it has been a long time since “she” has shown up ,yet,  I know she will be here again” With that thought the Coach ponders, “what will I do different?” because each time this delicate flower of a woman wanting to find some kind of empowerment in herself that she can connect to dares to show up, the Coach loses her somewhere in the presentation.  The Coach is so frustrated, “I so  want to reach out and hold this woman close, just long enough for her to know she has been acknowledged as a being and then shake her awake gently with awareness and discovery to the awesome being she is!!”….. to be continued…

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Letting Go Of Clutter

Letting Go

Too much stuff is a common problem. Whether in your home, closet or your office desk. Excess things in your surroundings can have a negative impact on your ability to focus and process information. Studies have shown that physical clutter in your surroundings competes for your attention, resulting in decreased performance and increased stress. I know this is not new to you, you’ve heard it before. Be aware, clutter doesn’t  just confine itself to your physical space. It is insidious and creeps into every aspect of your life if left unchecked.

You may see clutter show up in the files on your computer, the 100’s of E-mails piling up, numerous notifications from your Twitter and Facebook accounts. Thus creating a digital form of clutter, eroding your ability to focus and perform creative tasks. That constant ping or vibrate every few minutes from your phone or computer is competing for your attention. This overconsumption of digital stuff creates “clutter” in your brain and  has the same effect on your brain as physical clutter. Then there is the endless to-do list constantly floating around in your head, along with worries, doubts, fears, anxieties  also competing for your attention.

Hence, your brain doesn’t get a chance to fully enter creative flow or process experiences. When you overload your brain, you are putting too much on its plate, brain energy is divided. The result? You can feel like you have ADD as your mind bounces from one thought to one “ping” after another tripping over old stuff, new stuff, all vying for your immediate attention.  It becomes harder to focus clearly,  filtering information takes longer. Switching quickly between tasks becomes a challenge.  Your memory , what memory? Is affected.   Making it easy to feel overwhelm much quicker than you use to. Overwhelm is your brain saying too much information at this time, slow down and let me process this. Maybe it is time to let go of some things that are “cluttering” up your life.  I do believe Clutter is a symptom or external evidence of what is going on inside your head. However for this blog we are going to start  with treating the symptom,  which in turn, can have, a positive effect on the cause. It is all about  letting go. Today, it is about letting go of the physical clutter.

I am aware that the thought of letting go of something you possess can create anxiety so I have brought in an expert to help you ease that anxiety. Meet Maxwell Ryan founder of Apartment Therapy. He is devoted to stylish living in small spaces so he knows a thing or two about de-cluttering.

Maxwell says “My method for easing the anxiety of letting something go is to use what I call an Outbox,” Here’s how it works:

SET UP Find a space for your Outbox. It doesn’t need to be a physical box, just an out-of-the-way place such as a closet or guest room. For smaller homes, it can be the corner of a room or the space behind a door. The Outbox is not a “toss-it” pile, but rather a holding spot for items we’re unsure about.

 CONSIDER  Choose a space that needs de-cluttering. It can be a small bookcase or an entire room.   Examine every item in that space and ask yourself:

Do I love it?

Do I use it?

Does my home need it?

If you answer “no” to any question, place the item in the Outbox.

DECIDE  Anything can go in the Outbox, but it must stay there for at least a week. After a week you can choose to keep it, get rid of it, or-if you’re still unsure-wait one more week. You’ll find that once the separation anxiety has passed, it’s easy to clean out and clear out a space.

For others it may not be the anxiety of letting go, it may be that, just the thought of getting organized, completely overwhelms you.  May I suggest organizing in bits, small steps? Commit to 15 minutes. a day of clearing out, organizing. Be sure to set a timer, it helps keep you focused and prevents you from losing track of time.    Continue with the same project for 15 minutes a day until it is complete before you tackle another. Knowing you won’t spend hours of your precious, limited time working on an organizational project might make organizing feel doable and easier to manage. Pick a project like a kitchen drawer or a bookcase, clear one counter, de-clutter one shelf to start.  Be sure to choose an item or area that nags at you daily. Remember you are looking for that Single Small Success. Beginning your war against clutter with a small success creates momentum and motivation to keep going. When you feel that tug to quit, or give up,  go to that one clear space, shelf or drawer to remind yourself of your  goal. When you see what’s possible you gain a new burst of energy for the next step. Keep going stick to those 15 minutes a day. You will be amazed at what order you can achieve with just 15 minutes a day.

Remember though, it is your perception of clutter that matters, not someone else’s. Exercise your power of choice.

If you like a notebook and pen handy or a photo of your significant other on your desk and it doesn’t feel like clutter to you, then it’s not.

To some, being in a totally organized room or area can feel sterile and be stifling to their creativity and productivity and for others it is exactly what they need.

It is about creating spaces that allow energy to flow and  make you feel at ease to live comfortably, powerfully and live a life you love.

Continue to stay empowered as you Rise Above It! You can do it!

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A Gentle Reminder

385450_10151053876957954_1335648395_n (1)

 I know you have heard this from me before, however I cannot stress this enough;

 Your body needs water!!!!

 Yes, even during the winter months                                 

Did you know that each day, on average, you lose some two quarts of water through the skin, lungs, intestines, and kidneys?  Why, just by exhaling you lose about one pint of liquid a day. How much more so with sweat from exercise or exertion?

Not drinking enough water wreaks havoc on your whole system, especially during exercise/activity.

And if you are alive and moving, you are active and burning calories every day.

Here are just a few everyday examples of ways you are active, burning calories and using up your water supply:

  • Cleaning/housework 80 -90 calories
  • Cooking 80 calories
  • Shopping 80 calories
  • Typing on a computer 36 calories
  • Walking up stairs 350 calories
  • Walking down stairs 120

Water is essential for a healthy body and you cannot live without it.

You can live about a month without food, but, you will die in about a week without water.

Water is necessary  to carry nutrients to your cells, remove toxins, lubricate joints and your colon, to regulate metabolism and body temperature among other important functions.

If you are prone to water retention you may think the solution is to reduce your water intake. Actually it is quite the contrary. When the body experiences a water deficit, it actually works to hold on to every available drop, storing it in such places as the feet, the hands, and the legs. Give your body what it needs—enough water. (And remember, the more salt you eat, the more water you will retain to dilute it.)

What is enough water for you individually? I have been a water drinker for many years and would consume about 6-8 glasses a day. The theory I am recently living by is drinking ½ my body weight in ounces of water. So if you weigh 120 pounds you would drink 60 ounces of water in a day.  A little warning here, if you have not been drinking more than 1 -2 glasses of water a day do not jump to 6-10 glasses in 1 day. You will set yourself up for defeat.  Have you ever tried pouring a lot of water on a dry plant? What happens? It runs right out. That’s what will happen to you too. You will be spending a lot of time in the bathroom. Build up to it; add ½ a glass more a day until you reach your goal ounces.

Replacing those 2 quarts of water you lose a day just through breathing and living  is essential to prevent being dehydrated.  Waiting until you are thirsty to drink is too late,  you are already dehydrated. Remember, it is not just your mouth that feels the effects of a lack of water!

Your brain, which is mostly water, is extremely sensitive to any dehydration or depletion of water content. Dehydration can cause mental confusion.

The human body is composed of 80% water; don’t you think it is wise to keep it that way?

By the way when is the last time you had a full glass of water?

 

New layer…

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Ways You Give Your Power Away # 2

A Dozen Ways You Give Your Power Away 

(Keeping you in victim mode)

 Over these next few weeks I will be sharing with you a dozen ways you give your power away, keeping you a “victim”,  probably stemming from childhood. Unfortunately, the ‘victim’ mentality has stayed with most people as they grew up, even though they have the power to change. As an adult you now have the power to take control, accept responsibility and change the things you are not happy with in your life.

However, to get out of that “victim mentality” you need to be aware of  how you are giving your power away keeping you a victim. As I often say “you must know to grow”. My intention in raising your awareness to ways you give your power away, is that you will recognize you are no longer chained to your past experiences, you  have the ability to break free and choose to live a life you love.

#1 is blame, last week’s focus.

#2.       I “Have to…….”                                                                                        

Do you Barrage yourself with “Have to’s” all day long? Do most of your sentences start with “I Have to…” whether it is exercise more, eat better, work, give up…., give in…., take care of…, pay…., say…., find…, make…..I can go on and on.

 Words are powerful, when you use the words “have to” in front of so many things you do in a day you begin to think you don’t have a choice.  You surrender your power of choice to a long list of “I have to” that can leave you feeling powerless and out of control. You begin to move through your day like a robot.

Focusing on “I have to….” throughout your day puts you right into the victim trap, creating a  life that has mastery over you rather than you having mastery over your life.

Are you saying “Yes, choice would be nice. BUT, I do have to work, I do have to take care of my children, pay my taxes, take care of my aging parents, walk the dog, clean the house…..” and on and on. To which I say, No you don’t! There are many people who do not take care of their children, their homes, go to work or pay taxes and they are still alive, aren’t they?

Now what comes up for you? All the “yeah but’s” and the stories about what kind of people they are, right? I hear you, so let’s bring the focus back to you. What would your life look like if you didn’t take care of your children, your aging parents, your health, work or pay taxes?  What came up for you now?

Were you thinking of all the consequences? Of course there is a cost. And if you do not pay taxes you will not get to choose and eventually you will “have to” serve jail time.  Be careful here though, that you do not confuse dire consequences with the inability to choose.

There are many people who actually as a conscious choice, choose to take care of themselves, their families, work and pay taxes.

In summation the terms “I choose” and “I have to” are not merely words. They reflect attitudes.

The person who “chooses” to go to work, pay taxes, take care of themselves and their families is reflecting a much different attitude from the person who believes they “have to” do those same things.

When you choose you are free. When you “have to” you feel trapped, setting yourself up as a victim that has no control over your life.

Now that you are aware using “I have to….” is another way you give your power away, my coach’s request is that you become aware in your own life. Take notice of how many times you start a sentence with the words “I have to…” or respond with “I have to…” in  a day.

Experiment with “I choose” instead of “I have to” and experience how different it feels.

There is power and freedom in choice. It is choice not chance that determines your destiny.

Are you ready to Rise Above It?

There is empowerment in accepting personal responsibility for your life. Contact me.

 

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